Prepared To Be Dragooned

FEBRUARY 24, 2011:  AT THIS MONTH'S MOTHUP, I GOT TO STAND ON THE VERY SAME STAGE WHERE CHUCK BERRY HAD GIVEN A CONCERT A FEW NIGHTS PREVIOUS.  I DRANK IN CHUCK BERRY’S AURA AS I STOOD ON STAGE AT BLUEBERRY HILL, AND TOLD THIS STORY:

I once had a pair of wonderful black leather boots, and people would ask me where I got my boots.

“I got them for free.”

“Really, how did you get them for free?”

“It was easy: all I had to do was wear green and march around a lot.”

Some people did not get this reference; so, I had to add: “And when I marched around, I carried an M-1 rifle.”

If they still did not get the reference, I explained: “These are my US Army combat boots.”

The boots really were wonderful.  They were sturdy, and mostly waterproof.  And perfect for taking on vacation to Scotland.  At least, I thought they were perfect for taking on vacation to Scotland.

Scotland is a perpetually moist place.  If there isn’t moisture drizzling down on you, there is certainly moisture on the grass.  I was planning to attend a big Highland Games in Scotland called the Atholl Gathering.  I would be watching bagpipers, highland dancers, sheep herding, caber tossing – and I would definitely be walking on moist grass.

So, I packed my kilt and my combat boots in my suitcase.

The Atholl Gathering is held at Blair Castle, which dates back to 1296.  It is the seat of the chief of Clan Murray, a peer of the realm, known as the Duke of Atholl.  The Duke holds the distinction of being the only person in Great Britain allowed to have his own private army.

I went to Blair Castle, dressed in my kilt and combat boots.  I had not yet entered the Atholl Gathering; I was just standing there on the castle grounds when I saw the Duke come out of the main door, followed by his entourage.  I noticed that the Duke spotted me.

Actually, he spotted my combat boots.

He changed direction and started walking towards me, his entourage following.

I realized that I must have made a big faux pas.  I had insulted the people of Scotland by wearing combat boots with a kilt.  The Duke was coming to reprimand me.  I was prepared to be humiliated.

Then it struck me that this guy sits in the House of Lords, and he can have me kicked out of Scotland ---  probably right on the spot.  I was prepared to be deported.

I looked past the Duke and his entourage and gazed at his castle.  Wait a minute, who knows what kind of rooms this guy has in the basement of his castle, and what kind of equipment is in those rooms?  Plus, he has his own army.  I was prepared to be dragooned.

The Duke now stood in front of me, with his entourage behind him.  He pointed at my combat boots, looked me in the eye, and said:

“Jolly good idea.”

The Duke of Atholl turned and went into the Gathering, followed by his entourage.

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NOTE: Doug's best stories have been collected into a book: Puppy Out Of Breath.  Price = $11.  You can purchase a copy at  http://www.puppyoutofbreath.com