I always thought that the bones in my inner ear had cute names and would be easy to remember for a high school biology test: hammer, anvil, stirrup.
However, on Monday my ear changed. A surgeon inserted a piston in my skull. Now, my inner ear consists of a hammer, an anvil, and a shiny piston.
Over the years since high school biology, the stirrup in my right ear became calcified. My hearing was diminished. When I got my first hearing aid in 1992, I was told about “The Operation.” This meant replacing the stirrup bone with a plastic bone, which would vibrate and help my hearing.
Time went by, and I decided to investigate having “The Operation”. By then “The Operation” had advanced medically and meant replacing the stirrup bone with a spring. I set up a date for the surgery.
Then I was at lunch with someone from the Human Resources Department where I work. I mentioned my upcoming ear surgery, and she said there was an employee in California who had the same surgery, and I should get in touch with him.
Good thing I got in touch. The fellow in California emailed back: the operation improved his hearing but damaged his sense of balance.
Hmm…it did not take long to decide which is better: improved hearing or a good sense of balance. Good balance enables you to carry on everyday life.
I went back to the ear surgeon and said I was cancelling my surgery because I did not want to risk losing my sense of balance. The surgeon’s response: “Oh, it’s not a big deal; only six of my patients have ever lost their sense of balance.”
Really? Six patients unable to carry on everyday life? I didn’t care if it was six out of a hundred or six out of a thousand, this surgeon never mentioned it to me. Surgery cancelled.
Time went by some more, and I decided to investigate again. This time I looked for an ear surgeon who specialized in balance. I met with him, and he told me about the results of the surgery. 96% of people gain improved hearing; 3% have no change; 1% have a loss.
I decided to go with it. This surgeon was upfront about the risks, and if there was a balance problem he would be the one to fix it.
But now “The Operation” means replacing the stirrup bone with a piston.
The piston was inserted five days ago. At the moment, I am not sure if it has improved my hearing because I have to wear a wad of cotton taped in my right ear to keep medicine from leaking out.
However, my balance is not a problem.
My main problem now is my friends' comments: "Don’t blow a gasket!" "You must be high octane now!" "How many miles per gallon are you getting with a shiny piston in your skull?"
- . - .- . - . - .
NOTE: Doug's best stories have been collected into a book: Puppy Out Of Breath. Price = $11. You can purchase a copy at http://www.puppyoutofbreath.com
