Frankincense To Offer Have I

I have been in one and only one Christmas pageant.  I appeared on stage at Flower Hill Elementary School with two other guys.  We were the three kings.  I was destined to be king number two, the one who brought the frankincense.

When the music teacher chose me to be a king, I ran home to tell my mother.  Kings wear robes, and I expected my mother to sit down at her sewing machine and produce a kingly costume for me.  Instead, my mother pointed out that I already owned a robe.  Namely, a bathrobe.  That would be my costume…and my mother did not have to sit down at her sewing machine.

What about the frankincense I have to carry?  I expected my mother to go to her craft supplies and whip up something regal.  Instead, she handed me a music box she kept on the top of her dresser.  It held her powder puff and played Believe Me If All Those Endearing Young Charms when you lifted the lid.  That would be my prop…and my mother did not have to use any of her craft supplies.

So, I had my costume and my prop.  I memorized the words to We Three Kings of Orient Are, and I was ready to sing in public. 

The three of us walked slowly on to the stage singing the chorus in unison.  The king with the gold stepped forward and sang his verse solo.  Then I stepped forward and sang my verse solo.  Then the third king, who was bearing myrrh, stepped forward and burst into tears.

We heard a big PSSSSST coming from the music teacher, and we exited the stage at that point while king number three was still blubbering.

The Bible is a bit hazy about the Three Kings, but king number two is believed to be named Balthazar, who lived in Africa.  When I did some genealogical research on my father’s side of the family, I discovered that my family tree has two Balthazar Schneiders:  one born in 1792 and one born in 1828.

I have lived in Africa, in Sokoto State in northeastern Nigeria.  I once discovered frankincense on a list of exports for Sokoto State.  Frankincense is a resin, and I got someone to point out a frankincense tree to me.  I touched the tree.

I am related to two Balthazars.  I have lived in Africa and I have touched a frankincense tree.  I am not shy about wearing my bathrobe in public.

Yes, I was destined to be king number two.

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Here is a 4-minute video of Trace Adkins singing We Three Kings:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMbn3hb_6y4

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NOTE: Doug's best stories have been collected into a book: Puppy Out Of Breath.  Price = $11.  You can purchase a copy at  http://www.puppyoutofbreath.com