Big Things, And They Are Far Apart

I got off a Delta Airline flight at the Detroit Airport, and was greeted by a sign: "To get to the center of the terminal, take the train".

The Delta terminal is so big that it has a train inside it.  No, not like the Dallas or Atlanta Airports, where trains take you from one terminal to another.  The train in Detroit took me on a half-mile journey from the north end of the terminal to the middle of the terminal ---- and there is a second train that takes you the remaining half mile from the middle to the south end of the terminal.  Yes, a mile-long Delta terminal.

I had been invited to Detroit to teach a Scottish country dance workshop.  I arrived on a Friday, and the workshop was on a Saturday.  When my host and hostess met me at the airport, they asked me what I would like to see.

First on my list: Elmwood Cemetery.  As my hosts headed down the Interstate, we passed an enormous tire.  It had to be a Guinness Book Of World Records tire.  

After I oohed and aahed at the big tire, my hosts gave me the sad news: Detroit once had the world’s largest stove, but it had been dismantled.

At Elmwood Cemetery, someone in the office directed us to Lewis Cass' grave.  I wanted to visit his grave because I have impersonated Lewis Cass for my employer, Cass Information Systems. 

Approaching the gravesite, I expected a gravestone.  Instead of a gravestone, there was a towering monument.  I figured that there had been an outpouring of public grief at Lewis Cass’ death in 1866, and the grief was expressed in this big monument.

Next stop was Cranbrook, an art school with a 319-acre campus – a mighty big campus for an art school that only accepts graduate students.

I wanted to see Cranbrook because its campus is dotted with sculptures by Carl Milles.  I walked around snapping photos of his sculptures, including Jonah And The Whale, which featured a big Jonah, who was half the size of the whale that swallowed him.

I decided to go into the Cranbrook Art Museum, but it was not easy to do: the museum’s big doors, in all their art-deco splendor, were cast of bronze and weighed a couple hundred pounds each.

Once inside, I chatted with the museum’s receptionist, who turned out to be from Missouri.  She asked me what I thought of Detroit.

I said, “Detroit has big things.”

She added, “And they are far apart.”

Now I had a mantra: Detroit has big things, and they are far apart.

Whenever a local asked me what I thought of Detroit, I would use my mantra.  But the locals would then look disturbed.  I realized that the locals were disturbed because they thought I had said “Detroit has big things, and they are falling apart.”

I may never be invited to Detroit again.

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Take a tour of Detroit's urban landscape, with this rap video called "Detroit Vs. Everybody", produced by Eminem.  (6 minutes).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCdgDxQbW_U

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NOTE: Doug's best stories have been collected into a book: Puppy Out Of Breath.  Price = $11.  Send an email to ParadiseDouglas at gmail.com to find out how to purchase a copy by mail.