Words Of Advice For People Who Stay In Hotels

  

I bounded off the plane after it touched down at the Rhein-Main-Flughafen in Frankfurt, Germany.  It was 1967, and I was eager to see what my first day in Europe would be like.

I took the airport bus into the city, checked into a hotel, took my suitcase up to my room, and looked out the window.  Germany!  I was in Germany!!  Time to explore!!!

First, a quick stop in the bathroom.  I went into the bathroom, closed the door behind me, took care of business, and then discovered that the door would not open.

I fiddled with the doorknob.  Right, left, up, down; the bathroom door did not budge.  I put my shoulder against the door and pushed; the bathroom door did not budge.  I saw that the bathroom door had a ventilation grate near the floor.  Being a red-blooded American boy, I always carried a penknife with me.  I unscrewed the grate, but the opening was too small for me to crawl through.

I realized that the cleaning crew would not be coming until the next day.  What was that, 20 hours from now?  20 hours without food.  Plenty of water, but no food.  And the bathroom floor was a cramped chilly place to sleep.

My first day in Europe, trapped in a hotel bathroom.

I needed to be rescued.  I curled up on the bathroom floor so my head was at ventilation grate level.  I pounded on the door three times.  I was in Germany, so I shouted: "Hilfe, Hilfe, Hilfe!  Zimmer Nummer Drei Hundert Sechs Und Zwanzig!"  For good measure, I repeated the pounding, but this time it was "Help, Help, Help!  Room Number Three Hundred and Twenty-Six!"

I repeated the phrases, over and over, increasingly sounding like a maniac.

Then came a muffled voice.  Someone in the hallway spoke in English: "I am going to get the manager."

"You don't need to get the manager.  Just come in my room and open the bathroom door."

"No thank you.  I am going to get the manager."

The manager came into the room and sprang me from my trap.  I stepped into my hotel room, and the manager, being a good German, began to admonish me.  "Look, there is nothing wrong with this doorknob."  He turned the doorknob and it looked like the bathroom doorknob was working properly.

I spoke to the manager: "If the doorknob is working properly, then step into the bathroom and close the door behind you."

His eyes narrowed a bit, "Oh, no need to do that.  It is obvious that the doorknob is working."

I felt vindicated.

The Internet tells me that I am not the only person to be trapped in a hotel bathroom.  

Johnny Quinn of the US Bobsled team got trapped in a bathroom in Sochi; Jenn Brown of ESPN was trapped in a bathroom.  But Quinn had the brute strength to destroy the door and bust his way out.  Brown had a cellphone to summon help.  .

We who have gotten trapped have all learned a lesson, and here are our words of advice: if you are the only person in a hotel room, never close the door to the bathroom.

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Here is a one-minute news report about Johnny Quinn, trapped in a bathroom in Sochi:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnSY6O0PdjI

Here is a two-minute news report about a pilot trapped in a bathroom on his own plane:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvX8VW0KHiA

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NOTE: Doug's best stories have been collected into a book: Puppy Out Of Breath.  Price = $11.  You can purchase a copy at  http://www.puppyoutofbreath.com