Not Looking For Mr. Goodbar

While I was in yoga class, I noticed that everybody else could sit cross-legged, but I could not.  I had to kneel.  That made me feel wimpy, but it was the best I could do.

Kneeling instead of sitting cross-legged did not seem like a good reason to see a doctor.

Looking in the mirror, I noticed that the vertical lines on my checked shirt have stopped being straight; they have become wavy.  It appeared that I had become wavy.  I could easily avoid the wavy lines by wearing solid-color shirts.

Being wavy did not seem like a good reason to see a doctor.

Getting in bed, I noticed that my right leg felt like it was on fire whenever I lay down.  I could find a less painful position, but never one which made the fire go away.

Pain seemed like a good reason to see a doctor.

I downplayed my wavy spine, which is caused by scoliosis. 

I did not want to stress my wavy spine because of Diane Keaton.  

In the movie Looking For Mr. Goodbar, Diane played a schoolteacher with a slight case of scoliosis.  Her scoliosis made her terribly insecure and drove her to haunt the singles bars of New York City in the 1970s.  My scoliosis is much more obvious than Diane’s, but it has not made me feel insecure.

I went to a chiropractor, who checked me out and said that the fire in my leg was caused by stenosis.  I went to a medical doctor, who checked me out and said that the fire in my leg was caused by stenosis.

After an MRI scan, I went to a surgeon who took me on a journey down my spine.  Starting at the neck, the MRI showed vertebrae that looked symmetrical and happy.  Working the way down my spine to my lower back, however, there were some unhappy vertebrae.  They were scrunched, as if I had been hit by a small battering ram.

I asked the surgeon how he could fix my vertebrae.  His eyes lit up as he described how he would move some of the bone on one vertebra.  His eyes lit up more when he described how he would shave some of the bone on the next vertebra.

The shine in his eyes meant that I had found the right surgeon.

On Wednesday, I will get my stenosis fixed. 

However, I will not bother to fix my scoliosis since it is easy to switch from checked shirts to solid-color shirts.  I will not be looking for Mr. Goodbar.

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A three-and-a-half-minute intro trailer for the 1977 film Looking For Mr. Goodbar, which makes New York seem ominous and sleazy and a bit like Paris

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fp1Lb694uag

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NOTE: Doug's best stories have been collected into a book: Puppy Out Of Breath.  Price = $11.  You can purchase a copy at  http://www.puppyoutofbreath.com