Lawn Guyland

When I was a soldier, I drove up to Seattle for a concert.  During intermission, I talked to the people in the row behind me, and they asked me if I was from the United States.

Normally, I should have been annoyed – there I was giving up years of my life to protect these folks from Communism, and they didn’t recognize me as a fellow American.  Instead, I was pleased.  I was pleased because their comment meant that I was 25 years old and I had gotten rid of my childhood accent.

I grew up on Long Island.  Not only is the island long, it is also large --- large enough to hold many accents.

I was at a work picnic here in Missouri in 2003, and started chatting with a co-worker’s wife.  It had been 42 years since I left my home on the North Shore of Long Island, but I immediately recognized that this woman had a South Shore accent. 

I interrupted her: “Are you from Valley Stream?”  “No, I am from Lynbrook.”  Lynbrook is 2.2 miles from Valley Stream.  Not bad --- after 42 years, I could almost pinpoint where this woman grew up.

There is a problem with saying that you are from Long Island. 

People immediately assume you are a heavy user of glottal stops, and mock you:  “Long Island?  Don’t you mean Lawn Guyland?”  So, we are very cautious about telling people our origins.  “Back East” is a safe thing to say.  “Near New York City” is pretty safe.

In spite of my having lost my North Shore accent, I went back to Long Island for our 50th high school reunion.  

One of my classmates couldn’t come to the Reunion; she was living in Idaho and undergoing chemotherapy.  But she could talk on the phone.  The Reunion was held in a yacht club, and I talked to my friend in Idaho while I stood on a balcony overlooking the bay in our hometown.  I was happy to talk to her, but I was also horrified. 

I was upset because she was battling cancer, but I was horrified because she had lived in Idaho FOR DECADES, and she still talked with a North Shore accent.  What in the world had she been doing out in the middle of the Rocky Mountains for all these years?  How come her voice hasn't left Long Island?

However, when I lead a walking tour here in St. Louis, I am reminded that while I may have lost my childhood accent, I still retain my childhood vocabulary. 

Standing at an intersection in downtown St. Louis and pointing to a building on the diagonally opposite corner, I cannot do it.  I cannot bring myself to say “The building cattycorner from us was designed by Louis Sullivan”.  I would gag.  I can only use the Long Island term: “The building kittycorner from us was designed by Louis Sullivan”.  The people on my tour then give me an odd look.

So, I guess I have not totally left Long Island.

FOOTNOTE: When I typed this blog post, Spellcheck mocked me.  It found nothing wrong with the word “cattycorner”, and it did not recognize the word “kittycorner”.

. - . - . - . - .

Here is a YouTube video (5 minutes) of two Long Island girls pronouncing a list of 20 words to demonstrate their accent:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jHr1QrJizI

. - . - . - . - .

NOTE: Doug's best stories have been collected into a book: Puppy Out Of Breath.  Price = $11.  You can purchase a copy at  http://www.puppyoutofbreath.com