Crushing The Orchid

In spite of all the planning that couples go through, the moments I remember best about weddings are the awkward moments.

Like the outdoor ceremony where the couple had tied their wedding bands on their dog’s collar.  When the minister asked for the rings, the groom’s brother released the dog.  The dog did not run up to the bride and groom.  Instead, it took off running in the opposite direction and had to be chased.

Like the couple that was seated in large high-backed chairs facing the altar, and had to constantly peep around their chairs to look at their wedding guests.

Like the couple that had a mass as a part of their ceremony, in spite of being a bit shaky on when to stand/sit/kneel during a mass.  They were constantly looking over their shoulders at the wedding guests to figure out what they should be doing.

Like the bride who was getting married in an outdoor ceremony and let out an ear-splitting I DO so that all the guests could hear her.

Like the child who said in a loud voice, “Look!  My parents are getting married!”

Or being served dinner at a wedding reception and having the lights turned off so that we ate by candlelight.  It was such a lovely touch, until I found out years later that we were not supposed to eat by candlelight --- there had been an electrical blackout in the building. 

Or the maid of honor who gave a speech and instead of telling the guests how lucky she was to be the sister of the bride, she told the guests how lucky the bride was to have a sister like her.

“Victoria, do you take Richard to be your lawfully wedded husband?”  At that point, I could hear a woman five rows away from me say in a very loud voice, “Richard?  I thought his name was Robert.”

I found it awkward when I went to my first Muslim wedding.  The groom was a student at the school where I taught in Nigeria.  At the wedding, I discovered that something was missing, namely, a bride.  In fact, there were no women at all --- the bride was having her own ceremony in another part of the city.  The groom’s ceremony consisted of listening to speeches while drinking orange soda.  I thought I was going to see some spectacle, but it seemed more like a business meeting.

The most awkward wedding moment was when I arrived at the church and greeted the mother of the groom.  I gave her a great big hug, thereby crushing the mother-of-the-groom orchid pinned on her mother-of-the-groom dress.  I tried to straighten out the petals, but it didn’t help.

I have been haunted by that moment ever since.  I am going to a wedding tonight and I plan to be very careful when I hug someone.

- . - .- . - . - . 

NOTE: Doug's best stories have been collected into a book: Puppy Out Of Breath.  Price = $11.  You can purchase a copy at  http://www.puppyoutofbreath.com